Week 35 - It's December!

Our dearest baby, are you going to be a 2017 December baby or a 2018 January baby? 

It has been very challenging, stressful ever since the accident and trying our best to resolve everything that is happening. 

Physical Changes 

Been hearing a lot about how women feel horrible about their body during and post pregnancy, I guess I got a real kick from it this week with lots of things happening to the body. 

It has been getting more and more difficult to sleep on the side comfortably at night, and often find myself waking up in the middle of the night struggling to change position to make myself comfortable. 

Acnes breaking out, have itch going on all over my body especially my sensitive areas, and my belly button has been acting out weirdly by discharging some brown fluid. Overall, making me feel like as if I am the most disgusting person on earth. It feels extremely horrible especially being in front of my hubby with certain parts of the skin darkening, and overall just feeling horribly about how my body looks. Luckily been putting on the belly cream diligently since I found out I was pregnant, that's the only body part I'm happy with these days. My belly. 

The doctor explained that since my body is also processing the baby's urine now, that's what causing the itch. Felt better last night after seeing the doctor, as I spent the longest time thinking that I might have caught on scabies again after my recent visit to the movies. Got prescribed with anti itch medication, and antiseptic for my belly. Hope I get out from this gross state soon. Hopefully drinking more water also helps to expel the acid out of my body better, and skin condition improves. 

Emotional Changes 

The second trimester happy days flew by a bit too fast, now I feel that I'm back to being in my first trimester crazy lady state. Many outbursts with Hubby, especially one horrible one at work where I just smack his monitor off his table, pretty sure that image would have traumatise him for a long time. 

Had one of the biggest fight, and I end up leaving the office went for a movie and stayed in the car by gurney drive for some time. I thought he would have been home waiting for me, or at least spend his time being upset in bed. Came home quite late but there's no sign of him at all, and started trying to call him and cannot get through his phone. Was feeling so worry, thinking about with everything that's happening maybe he can't take it and decided to end his life. Tried calling his phone I think 60 times? But couldn't get through, so much crazy thought ran through my head thinking what if I go into labour now and I'm all alone and can't find him anywhere. Luckily he came home and we hugged it out. 

We fought over big things, small things, I guess I'm not the only one who's feeling extremely sensitive and hormonal lately. Sometimes it is quite difficult to snap out from the state and many times I found Steven waking up in the middle of the night, just worrying about all the problems at work. So much doubts about the kind of mother I'm going to be, a horrible one? How to raise another human being when I'm still so temperament, and would turn green whenever I get too extremely upset? How come I don't have better self control? Life will always be stressful, but am I ready to have a stressful life and also a baby? 

Work has been extremely stressful for me and Steven, especially Steven having to liaise with a million of crazy people ever since the accident and constantly having dissatisfaction with his operation team. Sometimes I fail to be a good listener and kinda just wanna jump into being the fixer and want things to be fixed so that we can move on ASAP. I hate the whole feeling of sitting on the bed for hours thinking sulking worrying about problems and what might have happen. 

Tomorrow is the day the disposal team supposed to move the waste away from the site. I really hope God or Dad is looking after us, and pray for a smooth transition. 

Baby Changes 

Feeling so much fear, so much guilt whenever hear there's something that's not perfect about the baby. For our 35 week check up, the doctor was saying that the baby size was kinda small weighing at around 2.1kg, and she foresee that his birth weight might just be around 2.7kg. That's even smaller than Hubby who's birth weight was 2.9kg and mine was 3.7kg. Amniotic fluid level was quite low too, and I was told to increase my water intake. Feeling so much guilt as I have been neglecting my nutrition intake and water intake the last few weeks. 

Doctor did a Doppler scan, and so far the oxygen flow to the baby seem to be okay. Was told by the nurse not to feel worry and just keep an eye on the baby's movements and increase my water intake. Aiming to try to take at least 3 litres of water a day now. 

So much fear surrounding what could go wrong with the whole pregnancy, spent most of the beginning of the pregnancy worrying about being too fat, gaining too much weight, being obese mother, developing diabetes and eventually having oversize baby, now to found out that the baby size is actually kinda small. Sigh, the irony. 

At week 34, 1 December 2017, I started washing the baby clothes, getting ready the baby things bit by bit waiting for his grand arrival. As of now, the pain is not really around my head a lot, more concern about things like tearing or poop at the table. 

Pray to God that everything goes well, and we can't wait to meet our baby.