The day we found out

21 May 2017 

Decided to head back to Tambun to stay overnight with my mom and Angeline for a night. Saturday was feeling how I've been feeling for the past few weeks, no appetite, bloated and just extreme discomfort. 

Was complaining to Steven how I'm pretty sure I have some horrible indigestion going on, the worst part was I believe it has to do with my current work load, because whenever I think about work, travelling by flight or anything to do with work, I feel sick, I feel nauseous. Making me so doubtful about all the expansion plans that we're going to start whether or not those are the right move. 

I woke up Sunday wondering how come my dad could do so much without ever complaining or his body failing him, but I can't. Is there something wrong with me, so much less capable that him who is able to build the empire without ever complaining to us, where I'm spending so much time complaining to Steven about all my discomforts. How can m work actually make me feel sick? 

I came back to bayswater after having roti canai breakfast with mom, to have lunch with Steven. I was thinking to myself, take a test and see. Perhaps its not my work thats causing all these discomfort, I did actually missed my period and to be honest I have no idea when was my last period. I think it was February? 

So we had lunch at Egate, and walked to guardian. I was kinda sure I'm not pregnant so decided maybe I'll just get those cheaper tests. I bought 4 Guardian brand pregnancy test. I didn't take the test immediately when we got home, Steven didn't even know what I bought from Guardian. I rested with him in bed for a while, and when after he went for his nap. I thought maybe I'll just shower and take the test. 

I've done many pregnancy tests before, always super suspicious whenever my period is a bit off, and every time for the last 20-30 pregnancy tests I stared at, it was always negative. Same for this one, I was thinking nah, it's definitely my work or my unhealthy lifestyles thats causing all of this. Less than a min, I saw 2 lines. OMG! Okay okay try again maybe a faulty one, but I can't pee again so I decided to just take the stick and and use the sample that's in the toilet bowl. Again, 2 lines. Oh My God......

I went and call Steven, he was still so sleepy.... I told him baby, you gotta wake up and see this! He's like WHAT WHAT WHAT? I'm like look at this, look! It's 2 lines, I might be pregnant. He was still half way asleep, and staring at the weird wife jumping around with two white sticks not sure what's happening. Then I think I managed to fully woke up him and told him to go get that expensive test I saw in guardian where it can show you how many weeks along is the pregnancy. 

While waiting for him, I got this message from him..... Oh My God, my hubby. 

So I was gulping down lots of water while waiting for him and was able to take the test immediately the minute he came back with the test. Okay this time the more sophisticated test took a bit longer to show result, "Pregnant" and the how far along pregnant result need to wait 3 minutes. I walk out and show Steven, and together with him, we saw 3 weeks+. 

Oh My God, that means I've been pregnant when I was in Bali and then my multiple KL trips and also Singapore. No wonder was feeling horrible throughout my trip in Bali, so lethargic and just generally unexcited. Then I started crying thinking about Ive consumed alcohol and smoked cigarettes when we were in Bali, I've been hurting the baby. I was crying thinking I've done irreversible damages. I didn't even take folic acid to prepare my body for the pregnancy, so much so much fears and uncertainty came running through my head. So much fear, and then Steven also started saying maybe the result is off from the weird Japanese lunch we had. Better go confirm at hospital, he told me to go on Sunday but I said I wanted to wait for our family gynaecologist on Monday morning so we decided to wait. 

It was both exciting and scary, I send the pregnancy test results to my mom, we all try to keep it cool. The Chinese way, excited but please conceal your excitement way. Afraid but please conceal your fear kind of way. I started googling and watching videos about pregnancy and all. Totally unexpected for us. 

We went to queens bay after dinner at mom place and I had to use the toilet there. Somehow I got scare again after using the toilet, and came back did the pregnancy test again, yes it's my forth test. Still positive, phew.... 

22 May 2017 

Woke up at 7am to go see the gynaecologist, I went alone bcs Steven had to take over Izzat work because he was on emergency leave. 

Went to island hospital, that familiar place, a place that Ive stayed for weeks taking care of my father, a place full of our memories together. I was hard but I was confident I wanted my gynaecologist. 

Registered and I sat quietly outside the room waiting for my turn, the nurse came out to weigh me and I'm severely overweight. I'm kinda at my heaviest point now, not exactly the best time to be pregnant. 

The doctor did scan and confirmed that yes You're pregnant, there's the baby and there's the baby's heartbeat. Oh My God, our little peanut already has a heartbeat, the doctor confirmed that its 6 weeks and 3 days. That's.... before my China trip. You lucky little one, already took you to so many countries before you're even born. 

But due to my weight and that I have PCOS, there are risks involved. I have to maintain and take good care of my weight, at the same time take hormonal supplements for the PCOS issues. 

I'll try hard, I believe in fate, even though sometimes its hard to accept but I believe there's a reason for everything. Thank you for this wonderful gift.