Day 1: HELLO THERE

Hello to anyone that's reading this blog! 

Yes, just a diary of another fat girl on her weight loss journey! 

I'm from Penang Malaysia, the land of awesome curry, nasi lemak, banana leaf rice, char koay teow, nasi kandar. I am 27 years old this year, married 2 years ago, no kids (as at April 2016) and I run my own business. 

Why I started this blog? 

WHY? Yes that's a great question. Many people started a blog to track progress, to log in their food, to track their exercises, to meet people of similar interest, or on the same kind of journey? Or another 101 kind of reasons out there. 

For me? It's simple, I want to be honest to myself. 

That's my resolution for 2016 and I find it very difficult to come clean to people around me. I've been hiding all my life, hiding away from people. I find it so difficult to just tell people around, my struggles, my angers, my frustrations, the embarrassing stuff, the ugly side, the truth. Slowly with all these hiding and suppressed problems, I start to turn into a binge eater that binge eat secretly. See? How do you go around telling people problems like that? It's hard kay, luckily I have the world wide web to talk to.

So, if you're expecting to read some happy motivational stuff here. You're at the wrong place.  This is not the place for you, there are plenty of other blogs out there that can motivate, cheer you up, give u the kind of positive vibes you need in life. Here, it's just the ugly truth I guess. Damn, that's cheesy! Don't be surprise if you happen to see foul language here and there. It's just how I express my built up anger.  

Why I want to lose weight?  

I've been in denial mode for the longest time. Many times, I look into the mirror and started thinking, hey I don't look so bad after all. What's up with people thinking I'm fat? My scale is just being stupid. Other times, I will look at some holiday pictures and go like, What the fuck happened over the years, why did I let myself go? I look horrible in all of these pictures, I want to die, no one can see this!!!! 

I've gone through diets, lost weight, gained weight, lost weight, gained weight throughout my life. I've been a fat kid since I was 12 and I remember how I always felt the need to lie about my weight since I was 12. The teacher would pass a name list around for kids to fill up their weight and height. Hello, imagine being in a class of girls around 40-45kg and you're the only one that's 60kg. It's bad kay! I guess that's where lots of the problems started. I always feel I can get away with a lie, come on I don't look anything like a 100kg person. But somehow, I am! 

Okay back to WHY I want to lose weight. It's simple, I want to be able to live like a human being. Yes that's why! 

As you get bigger and heavier, you lose bit by bit of your ability as a human. You start to find it difficult to walk for long hours, and of course running, jumping are out of the picture. Simple things like squatting can be so difficult. As my weight goes up higher, I just felt like I'm losing more and more of what makes me human. I'm just like a bag of fat, lying around and waiting for time to pass. Just some robot, where only your brain functions the rest of your body is nothing but fats and water. 

It's scary because I am only 27. 

I want to lose weight not just because I want to look good, but because I want to be able to live like how a human is suppose to be able to live. 

1. I want to be able to run, to be able to jump, to be able to squad and to be able to lift. 
2. I want to look good and enjoy things in life comfortably not worrying about I am going to break a roller coaster or get stuck under some narrow space. 
3. I want to be able to have great sex, okay I said it! Things are pretty good now but I want to feel comfortable when I'm naked and explore more possibilities with my gorgeous husband. 
4. I want to not feel self conscious and worry I might sink the boat when I go on snorkeling trips with my husband. 
5. I want to travel around the world with my husband and not be worried about not fitting into the budget airplane seats. 
6. I want to be healthy, I don't want to live with diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol all the sickness that will stop me from living the life I want to. 
7. I want to not feel the pain in the my feet when I am wearing heels because of how heavy my body is. 
8. I want to be able to live my husband's dream with him which is to run marathons around the world while we travel 
9. I want to look good while running marathons, yes vain I know but who doesn't want to look good while working out? 
10. I want to be able to do yoga simply because I want to see how far my human body can go. 
11. I want to stop worrying about my weight, stop worrying I am going to die one day a fat girl and never live a single day being someone who's happy with herself. 
12. I want to get pregnant and have children and not worry my weight is going to shoot up high, and me ended up with pregnancy related problems like diabetes or etc etc. 
13. I want to be the kind of mother that would be able to bring my kids out for outdoor activities, and play with them. Well I want to be a hot mom too! 
14. I want to live a long life with my husband, not as a fat girl but as the girl he deserves to be with.

Let's start! Time to make some dreams come true!!