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My Dear Owen

To my dear Owen,  Such a beautiful name, thank you for bringing us so much joy and even though it was short, it doesn't make it any less meaningful.  19.05.2020 As usual, I was going for my monthly check-up. With my second pregnancy, guess I've taken a more relaxed path thinking all will be pretty alright, nothing much to worry about since we have passed the first trimester and my pregnancy symptoms have lessened so much. I choose to actually go for check-ups by myself, it was just a lot less stressful not having to worry about work. I went at about 8.30am after having breakfast at mom's place, reach at 9.00am, and waited quite a while for my turn. I see women going in and out probably for their antenatal scans, thinking that was what I just went through last month, and together with the NICC reports. Thank god everything turned out okay, and we have been beyond excited knowing that Oliver will be expecting a little brother. Me and Steven also decided we will nam...
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Movement Control Order - Day 23

I'm thinking this would be quite an interesting time in my life to read back someday! So after all the highlights of finding out I was pregnant in February, with the increasing number of Covid 19 cases in Malaysia, our new "backdoor" government decided that we will need to start restricting movement and closing down non-essential businesses.  Just the morning before the MCO was announced, I had this spider tingling sensation behind me that it's going to happen anytime soon. So I decided to get some supplies around town, some fruits and also bought some meat, a giant-ass pumpkin for Oliver all before the prime minister's announcement. Guess pregnancy does make those spider instincts somewhat more sensitive, later that day our government announced that the order will start two days later which is 18 March 2020. I was already well-stocked from my panic attack in January after seeing the Wuhan lockdown news but offered to take my mom to the wet market the next da...
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The day I sort of found out

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I can't believe I am here writing this post again but my heart filled with uncertainties.  I haven't been feeling the greatest the last few weeks with Elaine's resignation, the possible sale of the company, Oliver having a hard time settling down in school. It has been kinda crazy, so even though we have been working around my ovulation cycle, I was not confident that I may be pregnant when my period was late. It could be stress, it could be emotions, it could be my unhealthy way of living, etc. I took a test the first day I missed my period, then again a few days later, all negative. I was certain it's just another false alarm this time. I was feeling sad and emotional, low energy didn't felt like going to the gym much but I went. I started feeling my heart rate climbing up really fast, my stuffy nose came back, it has been on and off the last few weeks, and I started feeling nauseated. I blame the coffee and the half-boiled eggs I had this morning and kep...
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The Chase

When you're in high school, college, universities, that's what everyone talks about - chasing Passion/ chasing dreams/ chasing something.  I was once one of them as well, chasing something, chasing dreams, ambitions, aspirations. Thinking about what I could be, what I can be, what is possible, what is out there waiting for me. To dream of working living abroad, to dream of flying around the world, hopping from one major city to the next. Thinking who I want to be when I grow up.  That's what drives us as kids.  As grown up, just three months away from turning 30, I stopped chasing. I lost sight of what I should be chasing for, every single day flew by so swiftly that I couldn't even recount what exactly I did yesterday. Piled up backlogs waiting to be cleared up, and there's just something new coming in every single day. More problems waiting to be solved, more updating waiting to be updated, and just an endless pit of decisions waiting to be made. Wher...
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The Concept of Friendship

The idea of Friendship at this point in my life is so different as compared to many years ago, I've fallen out with a few good friends that I no longer bother to rekindle, but of course nobody tells their once good friends that we don't enjoy hanging out with them now so there's still the courtesy hang out once in a blue moon.  I no longer have the energy to invest in friendship that require me to keep giving a lot of my time and energy. That is truly a test, because some people just walk away when they no longer stay as the centre of attention in your life, when you no longer bend backwards for them, they just walk away.  It's okay, just want to tell myself it's okay. I have my amazing family and husband, so blessed, perhaps God is watching after me, taking away all these stressors from my life so I can focus and see what's truly good and people who are truly there despite ups and downs. 
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A letter to my future self

Hi Future Sue,  How's life? How's life after crossing the big 30 mark? Is it scary, do you have more than 1 kid now? Do you have the career you're proud of now? Are you still married? Happy?  The 29 year old me is writing this to you, gave birth to Oliver about 6 months ago and I am madly in love with him. My MIL drives me crazy every now and then but happy to have her around to help watch the little guy when I come to ACL for work, my mom drives me nuts a bit too but she helps out with Oliver whenever I need to take a little break away, just came back from Singapore after attending Connie's ROM actually.  Are you still breastfeeding the kids? Still using that same Spectra pump I bought in 2017? Or have you successfully overcome the nipple problem and now is being a full time nursing mom? How many kids you have btw? Your concern about not having enough space for the kids, is it still a concern now? Or have you already moved into the Batu Kawan house? Does S...
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Week 37 - Doctor Visit

Finally, a great examination!  Went in for the baby CTG scan today just to make sure everything is okay. Was guided by Debra to the first floor labour room for the scan. According to the nurse who did the scan, baby heart beat is good and strong! The sister also came in and said that my legs are swollen, gotta remember to keep them up at night.  After the CTG scan, we went up to see Doctor Maha. My blood pressure was okay also, and doctor manage to do the doppler scan and she said they're all okay! Baby also seem to have increased weight but not sure if it's because of how the doctor took the measurement. Amniotic fluid level was also fair.  We are happy with the results, went home feeling relieved and happy. 
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